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Murphy”s Technology Laws (Feel free to add your own)?

Murphy”s Freaking Technology Laws;

- You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the freaking track.

- Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong freaking conclusion with confidence.

- Whenever a system becomes completely freaking defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

- Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not freaking understand.

- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first freaking woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

- The opulence of the freaking front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

- The attention span of a computer is only as long as it’s freaking electrical cord.

- An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

- To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the freaking job will take the longest and cost the most.

- Nothing freaking motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.

- Some people manage by the book, even though they have no idea who wrote the book or even what freaking book.

- The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

- After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than freaking done.

- Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development. (For confirmation… oh never mind most of us know this)!

- A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple freaking system that works.

- If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.

- Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on freaking human reliability is unreliable.

- Give all freaking orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a “Pearl Harbor File.”

- Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint onit and he’ll have to touch to be sure.

- All freaking great discoveries are made by mistake.

- Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. (Can I get an Amen?)

- All’s well that freaking ends.

- A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the F’ing hours are lost.

- The first myth of management is that it even exists.

- A freaking failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

- New systems generate new problems.

- We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.

- Any given program, when running, is freaking obsolete.

- Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from F’ing magic.

- The more cordial the buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the freaking order.

- In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The F’ing correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.

- Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it freaking itches.

- All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

- The only perfect science is hind-sight.

- Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the thing being tested will do as it freaking well pleases. (Especially amps, guitars, Harps and other music crap).

- If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

- If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t freaking exist.

- Work smarder and not harder and be carfull of yor fuxing speling.

- If a F’ing experiment works, something has gone wrong.

- When all else fails, read the freaking instructions.

- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

- Everything that goes up must freaking come down. (Usually on your head when you least expect it).

- Any freaking instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

- Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated freaking way.

- Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

- The degree of technical competence is F’ing proportional to the level of management.

- Any attempt to print Murphy’s laws will jam the freaking printer.

From; Willys Jokes Archeives


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3 Responses to "Murphy”s Technology Laws (Feel free to add your own)?"

  1. 8the-ist-inOZ says:
    thanx made my day.


  2. goldwing110083 says:
    Make a great thing, price it low, and nobody will buy it. Make a mediocre thing, price it high, and you will not be able to make enough of them to answer demands.

    Give something of value away, and it will be regarded as having no value. Sell something of no value, and it will be regarded as a treasure.

  3. Ashti says:
    Hehehe! This one’s great! I know someone who’d love to read it and admit the truth contained herein.. Thanks for posting it!

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